


What Remains of My Family

by kpop7729



Series: Dimilix Week 2021 [2]
Category: Fire Emblem Series, Fire Emblem: Fuukasetsugetsu | Fire Emblem: Three Houses
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Freeform, M/M, Nonbinary My Unit | Byleth, Post-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-16
Updated: 2021-03-01
Packaged: 2021-03-18 03:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 7,256
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29482719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kpop7729/pseuds/kpop7729
Summary: Dimitri had ruined everything. Everyone had died again because of him. He wanted to join them, but he couldn't. Not until he put every single soul to rest."Don't be ridiculous. No one's dead here. You're hallucinating from some black magic." Felix said, sounding exasperated.Dimitri did not believe him. It wouldn't be the first time a ghost had told him lies.
Relationships: Dimitri Alexandre Blaiddyd/Felix Hugo Fraldarius
Series: Dimilix Week 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2163615
Comments: 8
Kudos: 13
Collections: 2021 Dimilix Week





	1. Delusions

**Author's Note:**

> Dimilix Week 2021 - Day 3
> 
> Prompt: Horror 
> 
> TW: suicidal thoughts/plans. Decapitation and mild graphic descriptions of violence. Blood.

Dimitri had ruined everything. 

He was doing much better after the war. Mercedes had mixed together some medicine he took daily that seemed to improve his general mood. He and Felix were friends again. Peace was returning to Fodlan. 

But then they'd gone out on a mission to defeat some bandits. Several children had gone missing recently, and something told Dimitri that these bandits were connected. These weren't simple bandits they were dealing with. 

Dimitri was advised to stay at the castle. He was king, it wasn't his job to go out and kill mere bandits. He had knights for that. But Dimitri would rather see to it personally. If they had been kidnapping innocent children, or worse...Dimitri had to be there to ensure that they were brought to justice.

It was clear to him now that he shouldn't have gone. Everything had been going smoothly. A couple of the bandits had fallen and no one on their side had been badly injured. But then Dimitri had been hit with a blast of black magic that knocked him down. It hadn't hurt much, he was planning on getting up and shaking it off to continue fighting. But when he got up and looked around, Dimitri realized to his horror that everyone was already dead. 

Allies and foes alike had a jagged gash across their necks that wrapped all the way from the front to the back. It was as if all their heads were severed but still sitting upon their necks for some reason. If Dimitri touched one of them lightly it might fall off. Dimitri could see bits of flesh hanging from their necks. Blood was running down their necks as well. Their eyes were a soulless pure white. Dark circles were underneath those white eyes. Their skin was ghastly pale. But they were all still standing somehow. They were all frozen in time as if the battle had been put on pause. But they weren't frozen, not really. Dimitri could still move. Everyone was dead. Felix, Dedue, Ingrid, the professor. Everyone. 

What had he done? Was he down for longer than he thought? Had the black magic distorted his perception of time? He couldn't do anything to save them now. Everyone was dead. Was his fall a distraction? Did it bring morale down too much? Had he caused everyone's death? He should've just listened for once and stayed home. Everyone was telling him to stay home. Now they were all dead because he refused to listen. 

The battle had started up again, leaving Dimitri confused. How were they still fighting? Corpses could not fight! Dimitri had spent so much time convincing himself that the dead could not speak to him, could not move any longer. Was it all a lie? Had everyone been lying to him all this time? Did the dead still roam the earth? 

Whatever the case, Dimitri could not stand to see them fighting a pointless battle. They were already defeated, there was no point in fighting anymore. Did they intend to fight for all of time? Dimitri wouldn't allow his friends and the people of his kingdom to endure that cruel fate. 

"Stop!" Dimitri roared. 

The corpses obeyed his command, stopping their battle. Perhaps it was because they could sense his soul had long since decayed. Or perhaps it was because he was the only living person amongst them. 

"What is the point in fighting any longer? You've all already died!" Dimitri yelled. 

The people fighting on his side had a look of confusion on their faces. The bandits, however, started pulling back. 

"You're right Your Majesty, forgive us for continuing a fruitless battle. We'll leave now." The one who seemed to be the leader of the bandits said, more blood running down his neck as he spoke.

"We're not just going to let you get away!" Felix yelled, blood pouring more and more and dripping down his shirt as he talked. Felix. ~~His Felix~~. Was this a corpse or a ghost? Was it just a mere illusion? Was this even really Felix he was seeing? Or had everyone passed on already, and these were just figments of his imagination?

But they were real. He could see them. ~~That didn't mean anything.~~

The bandit leader chuckled darkly. "I think you have bigger problems to worry about for now." 

Felix rushed into an attack without waiting for the order. Of course he did. Felix was always stubborn, alive or otherwise it seemed. However, Dimitri would not let this battle continue any longer. He couldn't. He had a duty to make sure his friends were able to rest in peace. He could at least do that much for them. He'd already failed them over and over again. He would help them and do it right this one time. Felix told him to focus on the living, but what living person did he have left to focus on?

Dimitri rushed in front of Felix, causing his sword to graze his arm. Felix hadn't pulled back in time as he hadn't expected Dimitri to try to stop the attack. How had the weapons of the dead made contact with the living? Was Dimitri dead too? Was it only their weapons that could make contact? If Dimitri reached out and touched Felix, would he feel the coldness of his dead skin? 

"What are you doing?!" Felix yelled.

"It's pointless to fight the dead!" Dimitri told him. 

"They're not dead yet!" 

"Yes, they are! So are you!"

"What the hell are you talking about?!" 

"We should retreat for now." The professor said. They were always rational. They had to leave. The battle was over. 

"Fine," Felix said, following the professor's lead and putting his sword back in its scabbard. 

The bandits had taken this as their opportunity to escape. Once they were gone, Mercedes spoke. "Let me heal your wounds, Dimitri." 

Dimitri just let out a twisted laugh. "I don't think the dead can heal the living." 

"I'll prove to you I'm not dead, then. And maybe you'll be able to see for yourself once my healing magic is done with you." 

Mercedes stretched her hands out. Dimitri saw no magic coming from them. She was dead, as he'd said. 

Suddenly the wound on his arm closed up. All that remained was a dull ache. Huh. Had she really cast magic on him? But that didn't change anything. She was still dead. 

"Why do you suddenly think everyone's dead?" The professor asked. 

"If you could see yourselves you'd think the same." 

"We might not have a mirror but we can see each other fine, Dimitri. None of us look dead. You, on the other hand, look a bit pale." The professor told him. 

They were dead, he just had to prove it to them. They had to realize it somehow. Hesitantly, he reached a hand out and put it on Felix's shoulder. Shockingly his hand made contact and didn't phase through him. But even with all the layers Felix had on, Dimitri could still feel the cold from his skin. 

"You're freezing." Dimitri said quietly. 

"How would you know?" Felix replied. He was only touching his clothes, not his skin. Plus Dimitri had gloves on.

"Let me see something, Your Majesty." Sylvain said, walking over to them. He put a hand on Felix's other shoulder. Felix scowled in response to all the physical contact. "He doesn't feel that cold to me." 

"What is your definition of a cold?" Dimitri asked in irritation. 

"Maybe you're sick?" Sylvain suggested, taking his hand off of Felix's shoulder. Dimitri removed his hand as well.

Mercedes walked over and removed her gloves. She then touched his forehead. He hissed at the temperature of her hand. She was even more freezing than Felix.

"Hmm, well he doesn't seem to have a fever right now." Mercedes said thoughtfully.

"That doesn't mean he's not sick though, right?" Felix asked impatiently. 

"We can't rule it out." Mercedes agreed. 

"Wait, right before all of this, didn't His Majesty get hit with a spell?" Annette brought up. 

"Wasn't it just a miasma spell? Or do you think there could be something more to it?" Ashe asked. 

"I think there might be. We don't know for certain it was a miasma spell, just that it appeared to be one. Miasma hasn't effected His Majesty like this before." 

"What are you all talking about? There's no use for the dead to discuss what type of spell hit me! You must find a way to be at peace! What is it you need me to do before you can rest?" Dimitri asked desperately. 

"We're not dead!" Felix told him. 

"Then prove it to me." Dimitri growled. 

"We're trying! Can you touch the dead?" 

"It seems that now I can." 

"Don't be ridiculous. No one's dead here. You're hallucinating from some black magic." Felix said, sounding exasperated. 

"Since you're so eager to believe it's my imagination, let me see something." Dimitri said, brushing his fingers carefully along the gash on Felix's throat. Blood came off on his hand. The blood was real. If he pressed a bit his severed head might fall off his body. Dimitri shivered at the thought. 

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Felix yelled, sounding flustered. His face was not flushed, as he was a corpse. 

"Do you claim not to see the blood on my hand?" Dimitri screamed, holding his hand right in front of Felix's face.

Felix pushed him back, not exactly rough but not gentle either. "I don't see any blood! It's all in your head!" 

"We need to head back, then we can try to figure out how to help Dimitri." The professor said. 

"You all need to focus on helping yourselves first!" Dimitri told them.

"We're heading back." The professor said, then started walking. The others followed. Reluctantly, Dimitri did too. 


	2. Efforts In Vain

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: suicidal thoughts/plans. Vomit mention.

"What's going on in your head?" Felix thought it actually might be better if he didn't try to talk to Dimitri. But he couldn't help it. If there was anything he could do to help, he had to try. Knowing him, he might just make things worse. Felix couldn't get through to Dimitri when he was this far gone before. 

"I know you don't realize it, but you're dead. The rest of the people in the kingdom have died too, while we were gone. All of them are dead. Will it be my time to go soon as well? Or am I left alive only to be tortured?" Dimitri said, sitting on his bed with his knees to his chest and arms wrapped around them. With the position he was in now, Felix might've even considered reaching out and touching him to comfort him, but he was afraid of Dimitri's reaction to his supposed freezingness. 

"Listen to me. It's black magic, Dimitri. We think those stupid bandits did something to you. We'll make sure they pay, but we also have to work on reversing what they did." 

"Reversing what? Everyone's dead, Felix! That's all there is to it. You're...You're dead. You're dead, Felix." Dimitri said, sorrow evident in his voice. His stomach twisted uncomfortably at Dimitri being this upset over his supposed death. 

"I'm not dead. I'm standing right here in front of you, but I know that's not enough. You can touch me, even if you're mind's playing tricks on you to make you think that I'm freezing or that there's blood on me. You mean to tell me everyone in Faerghus died in one day? How is that possible?" Felix tried to reason. 

"Stranger things have happened to us." Dimitri said.

"I think that would still top everything." 

"Think what you like. It doesn't change the truth. I know you told me to focus on the living, but there's no one living at all anymore other than me."

"You're strong, but do you really think you're strong enough to survive what every other human couldn't?" 

"It's not that. I'm only alive to suffer for what I've done. It's my fault that everyone passed." 

"What- that doesn't even make any sense!" 

"It's not something the dead could understand. Please, just tell me what you need of me so you can rest in peace." 

"I need you to realize that I'm not dead!" 

"You want me to pretend as if you're alive? I'll admit that might be hard, but if it'll put you to rest..."

Felix sighed. He didn't intend to entertain Dimitri's delusions. "I am alive. No one's dead. Everyone will tell you the same thing."

"The bandits seemed to have accepted it." 

"Because they're the ones that did this to you!" 

"Since you intend to keep insisting on being alive, as your king I'm ordering you to leave my chambers." 

Could Dimitri not handle talking about this anymore, or had Felix gone about it the wrong way? Should he have been more careful not to yell? 

"Whatever," Was all Felix said before slamming the king's door. A bit immature, Felix had to admit. At least Dimitri could see he didn't phase through the door or something. At least he hoped so. His vision seemed to be the one that was messed up, while his hearing seemed fine. As far as he knew. Dimitri's mind could've even added extra words to his and Felix's conversation, there was no way to know for certain. 

They had to figure out how to fix this. Mercedes and Annette were working on it, but they had no idea what sort of spell this was, besides the fact that it looked like Miasma. 

And what should Felix be doing right now to help Dimitri? He had tried to talk to him, but that didn't go well. Someone else would probably be better for him. He wasn't great with magic, so he probably wouldn't be able to find any answers on that part. The only thing he could do was go help track down the bandits, but he also didn't want to leave Dimitri right now. If his friends left would he think they'd left him for good and panic? Or assumed they found peace or something crazy like that? Felix didn't know what to do anymore. 

Later when dinner time came around Dedue brought Dimitri some soup. Or rather, Dedue's corpse brought it to him. "I bought you some dinner, Dimitri. If you need anything else, let me know." 

"What I need is for everyone to realize the truth! But it seems that won't happen. You are also going to say you're alive, aren't you? That it's just my imagination?" Dimitri asked him, already knowing the answer. 

"I'm afraid so." 

"What must I do to put you all to rest?" 

"I think to get what you want, you're going to have to rest yourself." Hmph. He did not want to do that considering there were so many lost souls that needed to find peace, but if that would help Dedue achieve peace, he would. He'd do anything for Dedue. He was like family to Dimitri. 

"I suppose I'll have to try." Dimitri said, taking the soup the Dedue made for him. It smelt alright. He thought food made by the dead might not smell pleasing, but it seemed he was wrong. 

"Do you need anything else?" Dedue asked. 

"No, that is all." Dimitri dismissed him, and he left. 

Dimitri attempted to eat his soup, but it was hard to stomach after what he saw today. Not that he could taste anything, but that didn't stop his stomach from hurting. At least if he vomited he wouldn't be able to taste it. Though he still hated doing so. The feeling was never a pleasant one.

He'd finished as much as he could before placing it aside. He'd been told to rest, but there were other demands he needed to hear. He had to put every single soul to rest before he could allow himself to pass on as well. There was no point in being alive if all of his people were dead.

Still, if rest was what Dedue needed of him, he had to try. It wasn't easy, but eventually, sleep came to him. 


	3. Pacify

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Suicidal thoughts/plans. Panic attack.

The next morning, there was a knock on Dimitri's door. "Come in," He told them.

It was Felix. Perhaps he shouldn't have been so harsh with him last time. But it was difficult when no one believed him. He wanted Felix to believe him. 

"Are you trying to go out?" Felix asked, raising an eyebrow. Dimitri had just finished getting dressed. 

"Yes, I was going to see if anyone needed any demands to be met before they passed on." 

Felix sighed and shook his head. "No one's dead." 

"They probably won't believe me, but I have to try."

"Think about it. If they don't believe you, they're just going to assume you're crazy. It's going to cause an uproar. You won't be able to be king anymore." 

"I wasn't fit to be king in the first place." 

"There's no reason to cause everyone to panic. We don't know who's going to become king if you're not anymore. You're doing fine as king. We don't need someone else running Faerghus."

"Do you think I'm a good king, Felix?" Dimitri asked, allowing himself to smile the slightest bit. 

Felix scoffed. "Don't let it go to your head." His smile grew a bit bigger. 

"I suppose I'll have to keep it a secret that I can see the truth, then." 

"Which is why you need to stay here. We already told people yesterday that you weren't feeling well."

"How am I supposed to help anyone if I stay here, Felix?" 

"I guess you could have people come to you. Your close friends, anyway. No one who wasn't there or doesn't fully understand the situation." 

"No one understands. But I think I understand what you are trying to say. Ah, but you asked me to pretend you were alive, did you not? I apologize for being rude about the request earlier. It's a bit hard for me when you're clearly dead." 

Felix's expression morphed into anger before he let out a breath. "Don't worry about it," Felix said, though he still sounded angry. Was he trying to keep his temper in check so he could pass on more easily? 

"Is there something else I can do for you, Felix?" Dimitri asked. Even though he was clearly dead, he had to remember Felix wanted him to pretend he wasn't. It was what he needed to move on. Maybe he wished for more time to be alive? It's possible he felt his life was taken too quickly. Indeed, it was. Dimitri wanted to be able to spend more time with Felix before he passed on. Being around Felix would make him as miserable as it would happy, but it was something he needed. 

"No, that's all." Felix told him. 

"Alright, then since I have to stay here, would you mind keeping me company?" 

"Why me?" Felix asked, raising an eyebrow. 

"I want to spend time with you before- ah, since we haven't exactly been on good terms until recently." 

Felix shook his head but still agreed. "Fine." Thank Goddess.

He wanted to spend time with Felix because he could be taken away from him at any moment, but that was the reason he also didn't want to spend time with him. He didn't know if he'd be able to handle it if Felix disappeared so quickly. He couldn't be selfish to wish his spirit, or corpse, or whatever it was Felix was right now, to linger around longer. He needed to let him move on. 

There was another knock at the door.

"Come in," Dimitri called. Dedue had brought breakfast. 

"Are you going somewhere, Your Majesty?" 

"We already covered that. I told him he can't leave." Felix said in annoyance.

"Do not worry Dedue. Felix agreed to keep me company while I rest." 

"I see. Should I have brought two servings?" Dedue asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I already ate." Felix told him. 

"Very well." Dedue said before placing the food on the table and leaving. 

"Perhaps we'll eat lunch together then?" Dimitri asked, before sitting at the small table in his room. It was there in case he wasn't feeling up to eating with everyone, which had happened quite a few times. He still had his bad days after all. 

"I guess so." Felix said, crossing his arms and plopping in the seat across from him. He looked ~~adorable~~ annoyed still. 

Dimitri finished most of his breakfast, but not all of it, which Felix didn't fail to scold him for. He just couldn't seem to stomach much these days, even if he couldn't taste a thing. 

"I'm going to make sure you actually eat your lunch." Felix said. 

"I ate most of my breakfast, it wasn't that bad." 

"You're wrong, but I'll wait to see what happens at lunch before I scold you further." 

"Good enough, I suppose. Is it alright if I have a few visitors, or would you like to postpone their visits until another day?" 

"Why would I care?" 

"I will have to ask some questions you may not want to hear." 

"I can handle it. There's no way I'm going to make you see the truth, so maybe someone else can talk some sense into you." 

"Alright, then can you go get the others?" 

"Who exactly do you need to talk to?" 

"I already talked to Dedue about what he needs. Anyone else you can get to come would be alright." 

"Don't tell me Dedue entertained your delusions?" 

"He told me I needed to rest for him to be able to pass on." 

"That's not the worst thing to say, but still. I'll have to talk with him. I'll be back with someone." 

"Goodbye, Felix." Dimitri said, just in case. He couldn't be sure he was going to come back. He might not come back. The thought made Dimitri regret his decision to ask Felix to go get the others. He couldn't handle it if Felix passed on now. 

"I'm only going to be gone for a minute, you don't have to look so worried." Was it that obvious? 

"You'll come back?" Dimitri couldn't help but ask, his voice breaking a little.

Felix looked at him with...some sort of expression on his face. Pity? Maybe that was it, Dimitri couldn't be sure. "I'll come back. I will." He said, before leaving. Dimitri tried his best to believe him, but he found that his nerves didn't truly settle down until Felix came back with Mercedes. 

"Dimitri, you wanted to talk?" She asked, sitting at the table with him. Felix stood, as there were only two chairs.

"Yes, I do. You can make yourself comfortable, Felix." Felix was still dead. He was suffering. Dimitri should be more gentle with him. He didn't want him to break. 

"I'm fine." Felix said. If that's what he wanted, then Dimitri wouldn't protest.

"Mercedes," Dimitri started, turning his attention to her. "Is there anything I can do to help you pass on peacefully?" 

Mercedes suddenly smiled. It didn't look as kind as it usually did, with her new features. The pale skin and completely white eyes made her smile look a bit sinister. The wound on her neck wasn't helping either. But Dimitri tried not to think about that. This was Mercedes. So far, none of his friends seemed mad at him. If anything, they seemed to be in denial. They would be mad once they found out. Dedue and Felix knew they were dead, he thought. But he still couldn't be sure. 

"I'm glad you asked Dimitri," Mercedes said. It seemed she did realize she was dead. "I was wondering since I'm able to cast spells on you, would you be willing to let me try a couple out on you?" 

Dimitri immediately nodded. "Of course. Whatever you need, I will do for you." 

"Don't be so dramatic." Felix said in disgust. 

"Forgive me Felix, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable." 

"I'm fine. Don't worry about it." Felix said. He didn't seem particularly angry but maybe he was just getting better at controlling his anger. 

"I'm going to test the spells out now. Could you please move over to the bed just in case one makes you dizzy?" Mercedes asked.

Dimitri nodded, sitting on the edge of his bed. 

Mercedes then held her hands out, but Dimitri could no longer see her magic. It still worked, of course, he had proof of that. Although he somehow missed the comforting glow of light magic. If that's even what she was using on him now. She said she wanted to try out some spells on him, and why would she need to use white magic for that? Still, Dimitri let her continue. If it's what she wished, he'd do anything. That went for everyone else as well. He'd do anything to help them be at peace. 

"Tell me if you feel any different." Mercedes told him, and Dimitri nodded. 

Suddenly he could hear his heart pounding in his ears. He was going to die. He knew it. Everyone was going to die. They were going to leave him. Felix was going to leave him. 

"It's okay, breathe Dimitri. Everything's going to be alright, just trust me." Mercedes said, rubbing his back with her ice-cold hand. He had killed her. His heartbeat grew louder. 

"Breathe in with me. 1, 2, 3, 4. Now out. 1, 2, 3, 4." He closed his eyes and tried to focus on Mercedes' calming voice. If he closed his eyes like this, he could almost believe he hadn't caused all his friends to die. He couldn't do that with the ghosts before. Even if he closed his eyes they still yelled at him. It was hard to get any sleep back then. 

He had almost completely calmed down when he remembered what he was panicking about in the first place. Felix was going to leave him. Disappear into thin air. Dead. He was dead and going to leave him. 

"Dimitri, breathe with me again-"

"Felix!" Dimitri cut her off with a yell. He couldn't stop himself from yelling his name and reaching out in the direction he assumed Felix was in. He had to make sure the man was still there, but he was too scared to open his eyes. 

"I'm here." Felix said, grabbing his hand. Dimitri cracked his eye open to make sure it really was Felix, and quickly closed it when he confirmed it was indeed him. Felix's hand was cold, but it still felt comforting, even more so if he closed his eyes. Like this, he could pretend Felix was still alive. Everyone was still alive. 

Eventually, Dimitri calmed down. 

"I think it would be best if you rest for a while, Dimitri. No more visitors for now." He heard Mercedes' say. He still hadn't let go of Felix's hand. Felix was still holding his as well. 

"How do I make up for my sins if I do not ask everyone what they need?" 

"I can do that for you. Felix can stay with you if you'd like." 

"If he wishes to leave, he can." ~~He was afraid to look at Felix right now~~ He didn't want Felix to be uncomfortable. He had sort of forced him to spend time with him after all. 

"I'm staying." Felix said, squeezing his hand with a bit too much force. Dimitri squeezed back. 

"Alright, I'll see you both later. Make sure to rest, Dimitri." Dimitri nodded and didn't open his eyes even after he heard the door click close. 

"Are you alright?" Felix asked, concern in his voice. 

"Yes, I'm alright now." Dimitri said. 

"Then why is your eye still closed?" Felix asked. 

"...I don't wish to open it right now." 

Felix didn't comment on that but instead chose to sit next to Dimitri on his bed. He was still holding his hand. 

"Maybe you should take a nap or something. Did you get any sleep?" Felix asked.

"I didn't get much, though I didn't get up right away. It's embarrassing to admit, but I tried to convince myself everything that happened yesterday was just a dream. It wasn't." 

"It'd be great if it was, but it wasn't. We'll figure out how to fix this. You still have all of us to help you." Felix told him. Dimitri found himself smiling a bit. 

"You're right Felix. Just because you've- everything that's happened, doesn't mean I'm alone right now. I'm sure together we can find a way to help everyone."

"We've already won a war where the odds weren't in our favor at first, I don't see why we couldn't accomplish this." Felix told him. 

"I suppose that's true." 

They stayed like that a while longer until Dimitri decided it was time to open his eyes. Perhaps it was a mistake. Felix looked the same as ever, ~~beautiful~~ and Dimitri wasn't sure how to handle it. He was still dead, though he wasn't gone yet. 

"Are you alright?" Felix asked him again. 

"I'm alright." Dimitri answered. It wasn't a complete lie. He was doing better than before anyway. "I suppose it's a bit boring for you to have to sit in here all day." 

"Who says we just have to sit in here? Even if it's annoying, I'm sure we could find something to do. Or is sitting here doing nothing what you usually do in your free time?" 

"Not always, but occasionally. I don't really have much in here that could entertain us. I believe there's a deck of cards somewhere." 

Felix nodded before he got up and started looking. ~~Dimitri missed the touch of his freezing hand.~~ "Where the hell do you keep them?" Felix asked after a few minutes of looking.

"I don't remember. They haven't gotten much use." Dimitri admitted. 

Eventually, Felix found them. They'd played one round before things started to turn competitive. Unfortunately they'd stopped on a tie when lunch arrived for both of them. 

"I'll make sure to beat you next time." Felix said menacingly. 

"If you think you can beat me, be my guest. It will be a pleasure to see your expression when you lose." Dimitri said darkly. 

"What are you both talking about?" Dedue asked, setting down two plates on opposite ends of the table. 

"We were playing card." Dimitri said, smiling innocently as if he wasn't close to beating Felix in the round they had been in the middle of. If they had their rematch Dimitri would win, he was sure of it. 

"I see. Enjoy your lunch." Dedue said before leaving. 

"We should play after we eat so we can officially declare a winner." Felix said before biting into his food and chewing angrily. 

"If we do that you won't be able to focus on your meal." Dimitri said, smiling fondly. "Though I admit I am a bit anxious to win." 

"If you mean you're anxious to see me win, then it's settled." Felix said, attempting to eat a bit more calmly. 

Dimitri won their rematch, much to Felix's displeasure. 

A while later, after dinner and a check in from Mercedes, it was time for bed. "Are you going to be alright by yourself?" Felix asked, standing by the door. He was going to head back to his room to sleep. Of course he was. ~~He was going to leave Dimitri alone.~~

 ~~No~~ "Yes." Dimitri told him. "I'll be alright. But would you mind coming back tomorrow?" Dimitri asked, even though he was afraid of the answer. Surely Felix wouldn't want to spend two days in a row with him. 

"I'll be back tomorrow," Felix told him. 

Dimitri tried not to let his relief show on his face. "Thank you, Felix." 

"It's not a big deal. Get some rest." Felix said.

"You too." Dimitri said, and then Felix was gone.

He should be able to sleep. It was alright. There was nothing to fear. ~~He'd already killed everyone he ever loved~~ It was going to be okay. They were going to figure this out together. Dimitri didn't have to do it alone. At least, that's what he tried to convince himself. His friends realized they were dead did not seem to be mad at him. 

It was difficult and took a while, but eventually he drifted off to sleep.


	4. Fortitude

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: suicidal thoughts/plans. Possible actual suicide depending on interpretation.

"Good morning," Felix greeted, standing next to Dimitri's bed. The sight made Dimitri jump. ~~He was scared~~ He wasn't scared of Felix, he was just still working on getting used to his new appearance. 

"Good morning, Felix. You're here early." Dimitri said, sitting up.

"I figured you can't worry if I'm going to come back or not if I'm here first thing in the morning. Breakfast is almost ready." 

"Thank you for being so considerate, Felix. It's a bit unlike you." Dimitri teased. 

"Don't get used to it. Do you need anything?" 

"I just need to get dressed at the moment." 

"Do-do you need help with that?" Felix asked hesitantly. 

"N-No! That's not what I meant!" Dimitri exclaimed, his face red. "I just meant, could you leave the room for a moment? I'll come to get you when I'm done." 

"I'll be right outside if you need me." Felix said before leaving. It'd be alright. He'd come back, Dimitri told himself. 

Felix seemed kinder after his death. He had always cared, he just had a hard time showing it. It was still probably difficult for him. But Dimitri was just happy that Felix was showing him affection more often. Not that Dimitri didn't need to show more affection to Felix himself. He wasn't very good at things like that either. 

After he'd gotten dressed, he went outside to get Felix. A few minutes later, surprisingly it was the professor who brought them breakfast. "Good morning Dimitri, Felix." 

"Good morning," Dimitri greeted. 

"Good morning," Felix grumbled. 

"After you're done eating, I want to talk to you, Dimitri." The professor told him. That ruined any appetite he may have had. What could the professor want to talk about? Was it about something they needed to be at peace? 

"I'll be over here." They said, sitting on his bed and reading a book they'd brought with them. It was hard to ignore their presence and focus on the meal. He tried to look at Felix but that just made things worse. Felix may be a corpse, or a spirit, or something of the sort, but he was still beautiful. Although his appearance was still a bit unnerving. Even if it was worse, Dimitri wouldn't cease being around him just because of his appearance. His appearance was far from the only reason he wanted to be around Felix. 

"Eat your food and stop staring." Felix snapped at him. 

"Sorry," Dimitri mumbled before attempting to actually eat his food. It was a bit difficult, but he managed to eat half. He considered that a success.

"I'm done, Professor." Dimitri said. 

"You haven't finished yet." Felix protested angrily. 

"I'm not hungry anymore." 

"Wasn't that your excuse at dinner? I let you off the hook because you finished your lunch, but you need to eat more." 

"I'll do my best, Felix." Was all he said. Though he was sure Felix knew that didn't mean much. 

Felix just huffed and crossed his arms. Dimitri got up and sat next to the professor. 

"What is it you wished to talk about?" 

"I think I may have a way to fix what's happened." The professor told him. 

"You mean to bring the dead back to life?" Dimitri hissed. "Isn't that unsafe considering what happened before?" Their time with the ashen wolves hadn't been pretty. 

"It's nothing like that, don't worry. Though it may be difficult to achieve. I was hoping Felix could help." 

"With what?" Felix asked from his seat at the table. 

"The black magic created an illusion, and I can't seem to find a reversal spell. The only thing we can try for now is to destroy the illusion." The professor explained. 

Felix sat next to Dimitri on the bed. "You said there was blood on me, right?" Dimitri nodded. "What if you wipe some off and try to taste it? That should prove it." Felix suggested. 

"That might work in theory, but I already know you all are dead. Besides...I haven't been able to taste for quite some time." Dimitri admitted. There was no use keeping it a secret any longer, they had a right to know before they passed. 

"How long?" Felix asked.

"Hm?" 

"How long have you not been able to taste for?" Felix said. It seemed he was mad at Dimitri, but it couldn't be helped. 

"For about ten years now." Dimitri answered reluctantly. 

"And you haven't told anyone? Or does everyone else already know?" 

"I haven't told anyone until now." 

"You didn't think that was important for us to know? When I complained about how you looked when you ate food, but you couldn't even taste a damned thing?" Ah, so he wasn't mad. He felt guilty. He had no reason to. There's no way Felix could've known. Dimitri had made sure no one had found out until now. 

"It's alright Felix. I hold no grudge. You couldn't have known." Dimitri assured him. 

"Sometimes emotions are tricky." The professor said suddenly. "I didn't want to push it, but it's best not to wait any longer. Before I leave, there's something I have to say. Certain feelings and emotions can help him see the illusion is not real. So if you have someone you really care about, you should tell them." The professor then left, leaving them both stunned. 

"What were they trying to say?" Felix asked in annoyance. 

"I'm not sure." Dimitri said. 

"Dimitri..." Felix said suddenly. 

"Yes, Felix?" 

"Is there anyone you have feelings for?" 

"That is, um, a rather personal question Felix." Everyone was already dead anyway, it didn't matter now. ~~He didn't want Felix to reject him~~

"Fine, don't tell me. But if you do, you should tell them. It'll probably break the spell." Felix said. 

"I don't mean to disrespect your wishes, but what's the point if everyone's already dead?"

"We're not! I didn't want it to have to come to this, but you've left me no choice. I suggest if you like someone, you go tell them before I say something I'll regret." 

Was Felix that mad at him? He couldn't tell Felix the truth now. He'd just have to endure whatever Felix was about to tell him. 

"I'm not going to tell anyone something like that, so you can say what you'd like." Dimitri said. 

Felix sighed. "Alright. Of course you wouldn't. You're too stubborn." He sounded nervous for some reason. "This might not work but it's worth a try. Look, I know I'm not the gentlest of people." Dimitri snorted, causing Felix to glare at him. "But I've had feelings for you for as long as I can remember. I tried to repress them for a while. They were irrational. I convinced myself I hated you for long time, so I didn't think it could be possible to still have feelings for you. Even from the beginning, I thought there was no way you were going to like your best friend who was a cry baby. But unfortunately the longer time goes on the more attached to you I get. You're stuck with me whether you like it or not." 

"Felix...what are you trying to say?" Dimitri asked. He couldn't be saying what he thought. There was no possible way.

"Do you want me to say it again?! Fine, but I'm doing it my way this time. Mushy confessions aren't for me." Felix said, leaning in toward Dimitri and closing his eyes. Dimitri stopped him by grabbing his shoulders. Felix opened his eyes. He looked down with a scowl. "Sorry, I guess I should have asked." 

He took a moment to be memorized by the trail of blood running down Felix's neck before collecting his thoughts. "No, it's not that...I want...I want to kiss you, but I don't want to hurt you." Dimitri finally managed to get out. 

"You're not going to hurt me. I'm tougher than you think." 

"Your neck." Dimitri said in fear.

"What about my neck?" Felix asked in confusion. "Is that where blood is or something?" 

Dimitri nodded. "Your head could fall." He whispered.

A flash of emotion crossed Felix's face but Dimitri didn't have time to place it before Felix regained his composure. "It's not going to, don't worry so much. Trust me, Dimitri. Hopefully, after this everything will be back to normal."

"If we kiss...there's a chance everything will be back to normal?" He knew he shouldn't dare hope, but he couldn't help it. 

"It's a possibility." 

"Alright then...If you wish for me to stop just push me away." Dimitri said before kissing Felix. 

Felix's lips felt warm, then cold, then warm again. It's like the temperatures were fighting with each other. His lips turned cold again. Dimitri shivered at their sudden freezingness. 

Felix took that as a signal to tangle his hand in Dimitri's hair. Dimitri put his hand on the back of his neck in return. He's not sure if he was helping or hurting Felix by doing this. He hoped he could prevent an accident from happening. He didn't feel a wound or any dangling flesh. He hadn't in the first place, had he? He'd just seen blood. 

Felix pulled back, his lips were warm before he did. "Did it work?" Felix asked impatiently. 

Dimitri stared at Felix. There was no hope, was there? Felix was really dead. "No, it didn't." Dimitri finally said sadly. Felix's face fell. 

"What the hell? What was the professor trying to hint at then?!" Felix yelled. "Is it that you don't have feelings for me?"

"No, of course I do." Dimitri hurriedly assured him. He took Felix's hands in his. Warmth. "I love you. But I was certain you didn't feel the same way." Dimitri smiled sadly. "And now it's too late, isn't it?" 

"It's not too late. I'm not dead. We're going to fix this. Together, we're going to fix this. It's not going to be like this forever." 

"I hope so, but that seems too good to be true." Dimitri said, looking down. He felt tears running down his face. People had died. More people had died. Everyone around him had died. Was he the problem? 

"Whatever you're thinking, don't. Trust me. We're going to fix this. I promise." Felix said, cupping his cheek and forcing Dimitri to look at him. His hand was still warm. 

"Your hand's warm." Dimitri mumbled, leaning into the touch. 

"Didn't you say that I was freezing before?" Felix asked in shock. "We're making progress then." 

"I suppose. Or maybe it's just wishful thinking." Was it really true that everyone was alive and this was all a hallucination? It seemed far-fetched but maybe...Dimitri couldn't allow himself to hope for too much. Felix had already told him he had feelings for him, that was already a miracle in itself. 

"It's not. It's working. The professor said it would." Felix protested.

"I hope you're right." 

"It's going to work. Don't give up on me, Dimitri." 

"I won't. I promise, Felix." ~~He hoped he could keep that promise~~ He would keep that promise. At least, he had to try.


End file.
